I only want it all.

I'd like to sit and feel Little Bit move. I'd like to crawl on the floor after Jack. I'd like to enjoy the silence while Little Bit is still inside. I'd like to hear Jack talking to him. I'd like to walk and rub the place on my tummy where I feel Little Bit's hiccups or foot rolling around. I'd like to make it up the hill which requires both hands on the stroller. 

Basically I'd like to be pregnant and not at the same time this week. As labor and delivery are imminent, contractions are ever-present and strengthening, and Little Bit is larger, carrying Jack or rocking him to sleep are becoming nearly impossible. Tonight I cried in the kitchen as he cried in his room while a sweet Grandma and Daddy took turns trying to settle him for bed because I just felt deep down inside that we both only needed a good rocking and a snuggle to feel better and for him to go to sleep. I hoped that after Little Bit comes I can sit and just rock Jack and then when he falls asleep I can lean all the way over the rail of his crib again and lay him on his mattress without dropping him from half a foot above it. But, I know that there will be even more adjusting to do, and the baby will need me too, and I just hope-so-hope that on the other side I can play with my boys without regret of these last few days or weeks of wishing I could hold them both at once without their knees and elbows gouging each other with me sandwiched in between.

I don't know where I'm trying to go with this stream of consciousness post. I am just spilling over my thoughts of a young mom that loves the little boy she has, and is trying to figure out how to balance my yearning for being able to care for him and needing help until I can see my toes again.

Of Swings and Singing

 Jack swings and swings and swings and invites anyone he can to do it with him. He listens for dogs to bark, answers them with a bark, checks the sky for birds and airplanes, kicks his feet, and sings a song that we made up together. It's the happiest spot in the yard.

 It goes likes this:

"Swinging, swinging, swinging higher Jack

We're swinging, swinging so high now don't look back!

Swinging, swinging, swinging higher Jack

We're swinging so high and we're swinging so fast, we're never coming back! Woohoo!"

 When Jon is pushing him or swinging next to him Jack tries to pump his legs like his dad, and he shouts "HIGHER!" and squeaks a little when he gets the desired push. :)

Of Swimming Suits and Sprinklers

 This alien object landed in our backyard yesterday.

 After careful inspection it was accepted as a misplaced leaky bathtub.

The water was freezing. I don't know how either of them managed to play in it for so long! Jack would shiver every time a breeze came up, but he couldn't bring himself to leave the water until the sprinkler was turned off.

Please slow down, don't go so high

Dear growing up boy,

Please don't swing so high, please don't have such good balance, please like the swinging baby seat aka flying diaper. Please stop walking around like you own the world and brushing your teeth like they are all permanent ones. Thank you.

Love,

Mama

The other silhouettes

 He looks like he is bestowing something upon her.

The shape of our growing family

I look at pictures of moms expecting their second born and I see sweet pictures of older siblings "hugging" or "kissing" or smiling at the baby in the bump, but I knew that would never be for our second born in-womb. Jack doesn't have a clue what's coming. He does know that he has to turn funny on my lap now, and that he suddenly sits a lot closer to my head when I hold him on my "hip" (I'm not sure I really have a hip right now, it is more like sitting on his little brother's hip at this point...) but he will not be sweetly showing affection to a bump anytime soon. So, our pictures needed a special twist. Enter the Nelson Museum lightwall and a late night (anything after Jack's 7:00 pm bedtime constitutes as late in our house now) adventure with my sister's family and my parents.

I'll post another post of pictures of the other two thirds of my immediate family, I didn't want you to confuse my sister's slenderness with my baby and think I'd already had him and not told you. :)

toad in our pond

Doesn't he look like the perfect little frog peeking out from under a lilypad?

I love you a bushel and a peck...

Kissy face

"You won't actually let him hold me, right?"

"Want another one?"

Jack- "You can kiss me back if you want to."
Siah - "No, thanks."
Josiah is our baby-survival simulator training. We are so grateful for him. Jack had a change of heart today and decided to snuggle love 'Siah instead of making him cry on purpose.

oops...the wrong boy

I realize a full week and a day after Mother's Day that the only pictures I posted or comments I made were about my sister and her boy. :) I haven't forgotten about my boy(s), just had a really busy week! This week we had our last Good News Club of the year, youth group, a family date night out, an unexpected coffee date with a long lost friend, bought and planted two beautiful cherry trees (Mother's Day gift, you'll see more on that below), did my laundry in a rush after procrastinating about it my whole laundry day, made cookies, went on long walks, played with Jack, tickled Jack (tickled Jon too), trained Jack, knocked out a fence in the backyard just to prove that I could, went to the library, checked out a book at 3 pm, read it from 3 until midnight with as few breaks as possible, got up at 7 and finished reading it by 8:30, I guess I enjoyed it :), researched oodles of topics for Jon's video project, watched a beautifully made documentary on Prince John of England that definitely made what I was researching seem a lot more alive, and went to one single garage sale wherein I bought a pair of shorts for Jack that matches 4 of his shirts for summer. It really was a lovely lovely week. Now I think I will just post a string of pictures to illustrate my point.

Our church has a tradition of the children giving a rose to their mom. Jack was a little more with it this year and his enthusiasm made up for his apparent boredom last year. He smelled my flower so much he eventually just had to lick it. It smells better than it tastes.

Thanks to Sarah for taking a family picture of us, and to her husband Matt for making Donald Duck noises to keep Jack's attention :)

We went home to a picnic in our backyard. This picture really captures Jack's perspective on being outside. It's like a domestic jungle! No wonder he likes to explore so much!

Is that food, Dad?

Our family grew up with a tradition of going to Dairy Queen for ice cream on Mother's Day. We got to do it again this year with the three local moms. Jack had his first ice cream, a banana split blizzard.

 I think Kim ate Daniel's before she started on hers (visibly untouched at the right edge of this picture)

 Beg as he might, Josiah only got plastic stuff to chew on.

 Me and Mine. I love her.

 Daniel didn't mind sharing with Kim, he ordered so many he was grateful for the help.

 My picture doesn't do it justice, but I was greeted that morning by a bouquet of flowers cut from our new garden.

 And the coolest card ever.

 Later in the week we found out that Jack loves watermelon. I think it might be because we always eat it outside. The juice makes him all sticky, and then he can collect more dirt faster.

 

This is the white fence I knocked down for fun. After I knocked the first side down I ran in to ask Jon to take my picture. That is because I still haven't had a single picture of me working yet this year. This proves it. I am a big helper.

 And this is our awesome new light over the sink (may the old one rest in pieces)

 Sarah and her beautiful boys on Sunday

 Jack got me 2 cherry trees for Mother's Day. We went to a nursery and had a hayride to go pick them out. Jon planted them on a freezing day and they are happy here. I am already bracing myself to defend their crop.

 We may end up eating outside often this summer.

Jon is so sweet. Jack was standing on the deck crying for him so he perched him aloft and I am sure will find out he has some new sore muscles tomorrow.

I think that concludes my random post of springtime. Please remind me to come inside and post some new pictures if I don't come around for a while.