Sunday, December 18

The one that got embalmed

I have the worst luck of anyone I know when it comes to cell phones. Honestly. I don't believe in coincidences, or superstitions or the like, but my track records with cell phones is so unbelievable that I simply can't believe I have any responsibility in the matter. I have dropped, dipped, dunked, and frozen too many. That's it. It's time to write a book.

Chapter 1:
The one that was baptized....
This chapter will tell of the reverse baptism of my phone that, rather than testified of a new life, revealed a possessed hard drive that was prone to text and call people in another language and couldn't be stopped until the battery was removed.

Chapter 2:
The one that was frozen...
This will recount the tale of the one I couldn't find for a day or so until I realized it was frozen to my driveway under a sheet of ice near my car's driver side door.

Chapter 3:
The one that ate my lunch...
Obviously suited to be written in Spanish, I will have to be sure to include the phone that died from asphyxiation in a bowl of guacamole as I blindly pounded it deeper and deeper into the luscious green goop with each chip that went searching for dip while the bowl of guacamole was under my desk. 

Chapter 4:
The one that took the route of my dead goldfish...
Everyone has had a phone fall from their pocket...but not all of them land in a portable johnny on the spot. Despite the utter repulsive, disgustingness of this scenario, it had to be recalled to life as we were waiting for a very important phone call shortly after this happened.

Chapter 5:
The one that tried to buy its own case...
Today takes the "most recent" award as my phone plunged to the bottom of an open quart of semi-gloss polyurethane. It sank so quickly without a splash that I was not sure it had actually fallen into the can. After check the surrounding area I glanced into the can, only to spy the little red light flashing me an alert that I had received a text. Sigh. I wasn't sure if it would damage the varnish, so I had to remove it. I was able to rescue the memory card, so I still have my pictures, and my favorite ring tone from my sister Katrina.

So, I don't deserve insults if I don't answer my phone or return your texts. Please don't take it personally. I am not.

If this book goes over well, I may write a sequel about the gloves I threw off the ski lift to prepare to get off, or my earbuds I planted in Nutella, my wedding rings I hid under the mattress, and the retainers I stuffed down the heat vent...all in my sleep. It should be a stellar encore.

Merry Christmas.

Dear Santa, 
I've been very good...and I could use a new phone.

P.S. Don't worry. I save all of my old phones that survive so I can reactivate them as my new ones are consistently assassinated. I won't be out of touch too long.

Friday, December 16

settling in...

 Well, that's it. The house is finally clean again after hurricane "Taylor" hit home. The boys are sleeping normal hours. 4 weeks of laundry is done. Out of the last month we were home 5 days. Needless to say, when my sister and her family get back tonight, I am ready to watch White Christmas, bake cookies, and wrap stocking stuffers.

Our house was extremely occupied while we were out of town and they left us this documentary of our absence.

Monday, December 5


Just a couple of comments about this post
#1 Jack said "camera" and "picture" over and over while sitting by London, so I took this one at his request. Really.
#2 London loves to put his hand on top of Jack's head anytime they are close enough. I think I have at least a dozen photos with his hand resting on Jack's head.
#3 Both boys have awful colds and thus they look really shaggy in this picture to me. Maybe you won't be able to tell, but it screams "sick son" to me.
#4 They really like each other.

Friday, December 2

It's her birthday!

 So, today is my birthday. Would someone like to give me a golden retriever puppy? The boys and I were quite taken with one a couple of weeks ago. It would be well loved. :)